Don't You Dare Tell a Soul
Introduction--Wanted to give some sort of explanation about what this is so yeah. Basically the short version is that this is a story about a teenage Rarity(g3 in case it wasn't obvious) being transgender and slowly coming to the realization of that and having to come to terms with it and all the emotional turmoil that arises as a result of that. Why did I write this? The short answer is that I just wanted to becuz I myself am trans and a teenager and I like mlp g3. The longer answer is that ever since I was like 3 I've been watching mlp g3 specials on repeat whenever I would get the chance, and my favorite has always been The Runaway Rainbow, with my favorite character being(unsurprinsingly) Rarity. I remember relating to Rarity and seeing myself in the character as a little kid with my loud, often annoying personality and inability to sit still at all times alongside various other mannerisms of a yet to be masked neurodivergent kid. And while now I wouldn't say I relate to the Rarity in Runaway Rainbow becuz I'm not a little kid anymore, I can still see glimpses of the sporadic and fidgety young "girl" I once was, and that's been something I've been clinging to as of late, leading to me writing this. The third generation of mlp has always stood out to me due to it being the only mlp generation with zero boy ponies(which implies that every pony in g3 is either a lesbian or aroace but thats like a whole other conversation) as a result, I can't help but find myself wondering what may happen when someone in this world finds that they don't quite see themself aligning with the identity that everyone around them has attached themselves too without a second thought, what if they are something different, something potentially unheard of? They still enjoy the pink world they live in, the tea parties and the flowers and the crystals are by no means things that they hate, yet the deeper, less shallow side of things, what it truly means to be a girl, isn't something that they believe they are capable of being. In case it wasn't obvious by now this story is basically some sort of allegory of my own personal experiences as a trans guy who has a deep attachment to feminimity yet cannot see himself as a girl no matter how hard he may have tried in the past. Many aspects of this story will be roughly or explicitly based off events and experiences within my life and will tell the story of a young boy learning to embrace his desire to be feminine while also accepting his true identity. That young boy will of course be Rarity becuz what other horse to use for a story like this than the one I so closely related too in my younger years. So yeah that's pretty much all the introduction I got I'm rly bad at putting my thoughts into words so sry if this makes like zero sense and yeah hopefully you enjoy.(please take note that i'm a young writer who doesn't know what he's doing so if this is lowkey buns im sry--also i drew the image above forever ago and i dont rly like how it looks and im gonna redraw at some point but not now so yeah)
Chapter 1: an uneventful girls night
My eyes stay drawn to the straw wrapper as I continue to fiddle with it, repeatedly rolling it up across the table, only to let it slowly uncoil as I remove my hoof from the piece of paper. On multiple occasions I've tried to make paper stars out of these wrappers as I do at home, which always fails given that the material isn't quite right and often rips before I can get past the third fold.
As I continue my satisfying yet pointless endeavor, I manage to catch bits and pieces of the conversation being held at the table between periods of fully spacing out. Pinkie's going on about how her and Minty have decided to start a garden, apparently they've been having a hard time getting anything to grow past a few days because Minty keeps overwatering the plants.
"How was I supposed to know that plants can drown?" Minty quickly defends herself in response to her girlfriend's slander, "They always look so thirsty! I know I'd be thirsty if I was a flower." She aggressively takes a swig from her milkshake, eyeing Pinkie playfully as the pink pony rolls her eyes.
"I say you two should reach out to Wysteria for advice, the darling really has a knack for that kind of thing," Rainbow Dash suggests whilst thourougly inspected one of her bracelets.
"Wysteria said that she would come over to our place tomorrow to take a look and help out," Reassures Pinkie, "She told us that she would've come sooner but recently she's been so caught up with helping Spike deep clean the castle."
Minty practically jumps out of her seat in response to Pie's statement, "Have you heard about that Dash? Apparently Spike found frickin' mold spores growing in the attic! Absolutely crazy, I didn't even know mold was real." She explains with enthusiasm, rocking in her seat.
"Oh believe me I haven't heard the end of it! Spike's a flustered mess about it, in all honesty he's starting to get on my nerves. I'd help out myself but you know...mold." Rainbow shivers in disgust.
So that's why he isn't here, I think to myself. When I first heard that Pinkie Pie, Minty, and Rainbow Dash had invited me for ice cream at the parlor, I had expected Spike to be there as well. As he usually does show up for these kinds of things, but that would explain it, mold huh, he probably has lost his mind over the fact. I'm surprised by how upset I am by him not being here, not that I don't like the three ponies with me, I love them of course! But, I've always felt like it's been easier hold a conversation with him as of late.
"You've been awfully quiet Rarity, is there something on your mind darling?" I snap back to reality, unaware that the conversation had continued without my attention.
I quickly rack my brain to come up an appropriate response to Rainbow's question, "Oh! Um, I'm fine, just kinda tired and stuff, y'know?" I give a smile that I'm hoping teeters over to authenticity and not the creeping worry I'm feeling for not paying attention.
"That reminds me!" Minty speaks up, looking at me. "How's that girl you're seeing-you're still seeing her right? Oh what's her name, I'm never good with names..." The green pony trails off, clearly lost in thought.
"Lulu? She's doing good, and yes were 'still seeing each other'." I retort sarcastically. It's been a little while since I've gotten to spend time with Honolulu, I've been a little too busy taking care of 'royal duties'(cleaning my bedroom) to be able to visit Butterfly Island recently. As always we've been exchanging letters however, the last being from her talking about how Coconut Grove taught her how to make bracelets and necklaces out of a certain type of beads(the name of which I can't remember at the moment), and how she planned on giving me some the next time we met. Thinking about her, I can't help but feel a little fluttery, it never fails to amaze me that I got lucky enough to have such a sweet(and pretty) girlfriend.
"Lulu! Right, I knew that, I told you I'd remember," Minty had turned to Pinkie as if she had won a bet, to which Pie only rolled her eyes in response. Minty Continued, "You know you outta bring her out to one of these get-togethers sometime, maybe then you'd be a bit more talkative." Pinkie elbowed her, "Sorry! That's rude I didn't mean it like that its just... you know, you're like quiet. That doesn't sound any better."
Pinkie pie butts in, "What Minty is trying to say is that we want you to feel more comfortable with us if possible. It probably gets boring listening to us adults go on and on about whatever, so if you ever wanted to bring Honolulu or any of your other friends who you might have an easier time talking to, than you're more than welcome to." She gives me a sympathetic smile, the same one I've seen from her since I was young, younger than I am now that is. And I can't help to feel bad as a result, though I'm not sure why I feel bad, I didn't do anything. Pinkie seems to somehow take note of my growing guilt and adds to her statement, "Or maybe I'm just reading into things too much, which if thats the case then just forget we said anything sweetie."
"Yeah everything she said, sorry." Minty adds nervously once Pie finishes.
"Uh yeah, you guys are super boring, never talking about anything fun or interesting. Maybe I just will bring some rowdy teenager along next time you invite me to something like this, spice things up a bit." I speak up jokingly, mustering up a playful tone that I hope will be able to clear away the steadily growing tenseness in the atmosphere. It works, as a smile returns to Dash, and I swear I see Minty quietly let out a sigh of relief.
"Oh I am not boring and you know that you're just saying stuff!" Minty has clearly regained her voice and is now bantering in response to my proposterous statement and the night continues as such with me taping into the conversation a little more than I had been previously. I'm sure it maybe wouldn't hurt to have Lulu along for one of these to have someone else to talk to, but really I have no issue with talking to the adults. I haven't in the past, and I won't let it happen now, I just need to do a better job of keeping my head out of the clouds.
Eventually everyone decides that it's time to wrap up for the night, which I can't find myself disagreeing to, I'm tired. We leave the parlor and go our seperate ways, Pinkie and Minty back to their home and Rainbow to the castle to check on Spike and brave her mold fears, and I'm left in the streetway in front of the shop. I walk out to a nearby field in hopes that I'll draw less attention over here(and also because I need a clearer patch of land). I reach up to my head and pull my magic wand from my mane and do the twirl that summons the Crystal Carriage.
Of course the carriage is big and sparkly and loud and dramatic as always so my attempts to not make a scene are swiftly killed as I hear the gasps and feel the stares of about a dozen ponies who have amassed seemingly out of thin air. I convince myself that no one is looking at me or my over-the-top mode of transportation nonetheless and quickly hop on and let it take me back home. I look back at Ponyville as it becomes a smaller and smaller blob of pink as I'm whisked away at unfathomable speeds.
Once I've made it back to the castle in Unicornia, I find my way to my bedroom to prepare for bed. I take note of though am not surprised by the fact that Cheerilee is nowhere to be found, though I am not actively looking for her so maybe thats on me. I remove my buildup of accessories and toss them to floor as I flop onto my bed, not bothering to go wash up as I'm overcome by sleepiness. As I drift off I think back to the day, wondering if I could've handled any interactions better, could have been nicer here, did they really know I was joking. About a thousand thoughts run through my head as I feel my body actively locking up and slowly losing feeling, not bearing the capability to truly focus on a single one.
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